He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
