WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
