WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
