I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
