my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
