Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
