well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
