It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
