Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
