grandma shit on top of the toilet
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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