Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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