When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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