we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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