It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
