Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
