Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
