you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I got inside last night via doggy door
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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