I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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