Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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