if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
