I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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