This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
