I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
