dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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