If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She bit a glass in half.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
