look no pants
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
