he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
