Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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