I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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