can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
