Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
