i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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