Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
