tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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