Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
