I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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