Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
