I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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