bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
