just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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