I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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