Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize