go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Welp...herpes.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
