For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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