I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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