Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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