You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
