ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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