i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
