i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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