nutella sex= disaster
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
