I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
how does that bad decision feel?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
