Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
