i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
