Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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