Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
