Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
