i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
