I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
