ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
