im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
