Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
