I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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