The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
